Violent Men Protected by the Silence of Victims

28 November 2005

One third of the total number of murders in Serbia take place in the family. There is more and more violence in the family. Over the past several years, positive moves forward in the systems of protection have been noticed. On the other hand, the shelters for women and children are overcrowded and there is a need for such shelters in every city in Serbia.

Together with the shelters and the legislation that would be implemented, another move forward would be for the victims to stop covering up for the violence in their families. We were told at the Counsel Office for Prevention of Violence in the Family that one in three women hides from close friends and relatives that she was subjected to psychological, physical or sexual abuse. The women from the shelters say they kept silent to avoid the shame of anybody else knowing what happens behind close doors.

"I hid it at the beginning. Like, �you better not talk about it, for the sake of the children��, says one battered woman for B92. Another woman says: �I had no relatives, just one sister, but I couldn�t involve her, for he might have pressure her then. I kept it to myself. He would beat me up in the evening, tomorrow is another day. I didn�t mention it to the neighbours, eigher�.

There is an illustrative statement by a man who used to beat up his wife: �My wife was affraid to seek help anywhere, and she was brought up in such a way to believe that it was her personal shame. She had every opportunity to tell her father, mother or brother. I had a �green light� for what I did, I had to fear nobody, nobody to tell me what I did was wrong. I was nice to the outside world and nobody knew what I really was�.

"Thugs can continue being violent because of that invisibility and anonymity they have�, says Dragan Popadic, social psychologist. "Numerous surveys have shown that, not only the violent men but ordinary people as well, are less prone to aggressive outbursts and violence in situations when they are not invisible and protected by anonymity�.

The Law on Family was adopted at the beginning of this year, and it introduces, for the first time, the restrictions in terms of how close to the victim a violator can come, as well as forced eviction of violators from the household. The law has been in force since June, but there are no effects, says Vesna Stanojevic, coordinator of the Counselling Office for Prevention of Violence.

"Women victims of violence in our shelter expected a lot from that Law. They expected that, at least, they would be able to stay in their apartment, as the Law prescribes, and the thug would have to be evicted. At the moment, neither is the Law fully implemented, nor are the Court decisions executed. We still haven�t had a positive example when a bullying husband was evicted so that the victim could more in�.

One woman that sought help at the shelter described Stanojevic how her husband acted if his will was not done: �He would slam his hand on the table and say, �I am the boss here, I bring the food to the table. You want to do it, you are free to leave!� You man not want to take it anymore, but what can you do? There is no law. He told me �I won�t give you a divorce... I will lock you in an asylum, I will take the children!� You just keep your mouth shut and suffer through it!"

Because of the increased number of calls and the need to provide assistance to the victims the very moment they require it, the Counselling Office will work seven day weeks starting next year. Also, they plan to open the third safe house and shelter in Belgrade. All shelters operate on donors� funds, mostly coming from foreign companies. This year, as the year before, the Japan Tobacco International Company secured the funds to finance one shelter for a year.